There are some things in life that you can’t control, no matter how much you try to or how strong you are, these things seem to find their way through.
One of these things in particular are your feelings…
I recently have had a lot of feelings about a lot of different people that I just tried to hide and put aside for some time because I just didn’t want to have to deal with them. But now it’s time I put things down because otherwise, I’ll just explode, I’ve lost control.
Someone very close to my heart has also had a similar problem, this girl is I’ll refer to as Jane, has been head over heels for someone I’ll refer to him a Larry, because I’m too lazy to come up with something better. Larry is being a bit of a little bitch and Jane has been trying extremely hard to hide her feelings and put them aside until they blow over, but I’ve known her for almost 10 years, so I know better than anyone that this never works, especially not for her. Looking at how she’s dealing with the heartbreak- it is not at all what I would encourage, (sorry to say it babe, because I know you’re probably going to see this), she slept with others to sort of fill the void, which is not what we Queens do miss Jane. Us Queens stand strong and face this shit together, even though she has always been the type of person to want to fix herself and put on a strong facade because she believes in being independent, which I feel for, and I wish Larry would see it too. Because he’s just being a pussy now, and she’s still doing her best, and I am proud of that, considering what she’s come from in the past.
Something everyone needs to know is that changes can be made. In any sort of relationship or friendship; you just have to give them a chance, no matter the fear you have, nothing great comes easy, that’s for sure. Because when things are worked for, and I mean really worked for, then you feel how much it’s worth. – I’ve learned this first hand from my experiences with Norbert. Things with us were not at all easy to start with, you would know if you have read my past blogs, but now he’s more than just my boyfriend, he is currently also taken the role of being my best friend.
My own example of these feelings are the ones with Jane (not lesbian ones, relax). A little while ago she told me something that she did, that would usually be unforgivable in a friendship. And as much as I knew I shouldn’t have continued being friends with her, things were clear that no matter what happens with us, a part of me will always somehow want her, or even need her in my life. She was such a big part of my childhood, whether it be being a bad influence on me or the incredible memories we’ve made together. There are things that she will understand about me more than anyone, because she just gets it, and things with her are just comfortable in a sense, so she’s someone who I know I will always have around, because there always comes a time where we just sort of need to talk to each other, and I don’t think that’s ever changing,and at the end of the day, no matter what, I’ll always have a soft spot for her, because, well… I love her, and I guess I always will, (even though we fight every time we see each other.)
This one is difficult to write about because it’s difficult to put it into words, it is also about someone I love very much who is also very dear to me, and has a giant spot in my heart, I have recently referred to as Chelsea. She and I have had a whole lot of ups and downs in our friendship, and recently there have been more downs then ups. Due to Norbert being in my life, I haven’t seen her as much obviously, and I know that having a boyfriend shouldn’t change that, but it has. I don’t really have an excuse for it, but I also need her to know that these things happen, and she has been in my position before and she just needs to understand really. Talking things out are much better than exploding, this goes for any type of relationship, especially one like ours, considering she is like my sister, someone that I have possibly the most respect for, which is also why I’m saving this story for another blog, because it deserves one, and so does she.
A while back, I talked about how I didn’t really believe being in love and the aspect of it, and how it was all bullshit. Because no two people can be in that sort of bubble where they would never do anything to hurt one another for the rest of their lives… But I also mentioned that I hope someday someone could prove me wrong about it, because it seemed like it would be a beautiful thing… And right now, with Norbert, I’m slowly starting to believe in it…
My feelings for Norbert have just been sky rocketing really. There’s not much more to say, obviously I’m extremely afraid of getting my heart broken. Slowly, day by day, I am falling even harder for him, to the point that I think I might actually fall in love with him, like completely, and that scares me more than anything. I remember saying that when allowing yourself to fall for someone, you need to weigh everything that can develop or break with this person, and that you need to ask yourself repeatedly if they are worth getting your heartbroken for, because I’m negative like that, and realistically, when allowing yourself to fall for someone, you’re allowing them to break your heart, literally. I’ve never actually been in the position where I’ve had to make that decision, so I apologize for making it seem like it should be easy or something, because it was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. Giving him my heart, and letting him have the power to destroy it.
No matter what you go through, never lose yourself in the process. Whatever you’re going through, you need to always remember to take a step back, and reflect on yourself, and if you ever find yourself questioning whatever situation you find yourself in, then you need to take your time with it, because the smallest things can turn into something huge and then that will either make you, or break you.
Make good choices.